French - Je t'aime
Italian - Ti amo
Japanese - Aishiteru
Malay - Saya cintakan mu
Spanish - Te quiero
English - I love you
"xxxx, yet again, i would not take back my heart from you. Its yours forever ever."
I love you/Je t'aime/Ti amo/ Aishiteru... no matter how strong, how many variety of differ languages i used to tell her in order to let her know that i cant afford to lose her, I STILL FAILED...
"i'm sorry, i cant love you like how u love me, we cant be together, forever!" someone I loved so much, she told me...
I can still remember the day, she said it to me with the metallic tone... it wasnt the first time i heard that from her. U can call me idiot or wadever... but i have to admit, i attempted to have a love relationship with her for many many times....
Well, it's embarassing to mention it out how many times i had rejected by her.
Somehow, i couldnt forget and let the love dies.. i could not forget her... too stubborn, too "adios"..
reflashing back...
I used to be someone who do not sincerely treat a girl, until i saw her again on the street, i din greet her... it was pathetic for me. Seeing her holded by another her... she changed, the "her" that i knew wasnt like that... i was really tempered... she was basically definitely wont like a male now... not even me... my heart died!
maybe, not greeting her was the correct move... i walked past them, well, she did not regconise me... its been 2 years we did not contact each other... i was wondering and blaming alots.
"why i can still regconise her from thousands faces but she couldnt, why she would easily forget wat i said to her last two years? why???"
i did not blame her for long... till the day we finally kept in touch. It was meaningful for me, she said she was surprised and very glad to hear from me. i smiled deeply looking on the screen of my mobile phone...
The first few months after we re-contact were wonderful. We chatted almost every single moment, whenever we were free.......... but i knew i was doin the bad thing... she has a "boyfriend", but i did not stop myself from getting close to her... she seemed getting more and more interested into me...
"my inbox is full with your messages, yours?" she said.
"hehx, becoz i care very much about you mar." i replied.
"........." silenced, her.
"you there?" i wondered.
"nothing... weilun, i think we shuld stop all these now."
everything, our relationship, again, paused right there, silently without knowing why... i did ask her why, she told me that her "boyfriend" knew my existence and wanted her to "delete" me from her life.
"i will wait for you, i promised!" the last thing i said to her.
=== we were again, did not contact each other for another few months
2007 feb 20th.... its her birthday, thought about her again, my craziness revived due to my stupidity... i called her... wanted to wish her "happy birthday"... at first.. i could still hear some "tut tut" sound.... then "nombor yang anda dial tidak dapat dihubungi...."miss operator.
After many many attempts, i still couldnt wish her by 12am....
2007 june 15th... she sent a sms wishing me happy birthday... my heart shaken a while... wad she was thinking? wad am I to her?
"i wont reply her, i wont..." said inside my heart.
the next day, my fingers betrayed my heart.. i sent back a sms telling her that i am sorry for late reply... i lied to her that i had no credit to reply her...
AT last, i still, replied her... stupidity
Luck and love always abandon me.
i thought we could really make it at that time.... but i was wrong... she is a loyal ones... she and hers still together... its been 4 years long... which means i have been waiting for her for the same length of period..
again... not much details... failure happened to me once more...
i have nobody to blame...i have nobody to cry on...
ALVIN'S HEART IS DEAD...
Sometimes at night, when I look to the sky,
I start thinking of you and then ask myself, why?
Why do I love you? I think and smile,
because I know the list could run on for miles.
The whisper of your voice, the warmth that i felt from you,
so many little things that make me love you so much.
The way you support me, and help with my emotions,
the way that you care and show such devotion.
Lost with you forever is where I want to be.
The way that I feel when we were closed to each other,
a sense of completion and overflowing pride.
The dreams that I dream, that all involve you,
the possibilities I see and the things we can do.
How you finish the puzzle that lies inside my heart,
how that deep in my soul, you are the most important part.
I could go on for days, telling of what I feel,
but all you really must know is my love for you is real.
original poet & author,
ALVIN
*basically, this is a post about my real past life. A life to be forgotten.
Saying "I Love You" isnt enuff to win a heart Totally...
